Ominous title compared to my other posts, and honestly it didn't occur to me to write about it, but my friend (not newgrounds related) told me that I should, that if anything someone out there might find some comfort and resolution in knowing that everyone struggles then it's a win. To be clear i wasn't embarrassed, i am just a private person and i try to filter my online personality with my offline one. Still haven't totally fine-tuned it, maybe i never will, BUT i do agree that her advice is sound in that sharing is caring and especially in these weird times. SO on with the show.
Creative burnout
it happens to everyone, hell it's happened to me plenty of times before; but i'll admit, never this hard and never this bad. I think the important thing is, and trust me it doesn't just come to you overnight; it's to realize that's what happened and more importantly, that it's OKAY. Rome wasn't built in a day, and some days it faced famine, or tragedy, or war or whatever. That's just how it is.
So i think what happened to me was, I was using art as an excuse to not confront or let myself be sad. I think June - Julyish and some of August was particularly tough. I mean, I live in america and we are begging people to get vaccinated and not take homemade horse medicine or whatever, and i mean BEGGING, and elsewhere in the world, like where I am from (Bolivia) there's still parts that don't have access to stuff. Full disclosure, i had family die once every week for like two months; not because they were going to a house party, or Kid Rock concert or whatever, but just because access is limited. To date, i think Bolivia still has access to mostly the Chinese and Russian vaccine or whatever, and all the people with money and government officials are hoarding the more effective american ones that get sent over(might have changed somewhat now, i've not been keeping up.). Anyways the point isn't to make you get vaccinated, the point is to go back and review and see what contributed to my burn out. So with like family overseas dying every week, and trust me, there was like weeks in July and August i just blocked all my calls, family, friends, nothing, because it was just so draining, and so like i wrapped myself up in making art, and making art, being part of art, taking commissions, and making art again.
I think you can make art until your arm falls off, and its a good fix for a bit, but eventually even that buzz goes, and that's kind of what happened a few weeks ago. I made really negative posts, and made people worried, and just not really in a good space.
So i pulled the plug on art, and surprisingly, i feel better. I quit twitter (i'm kinda back sorta), I deleted social apps on my phone, etc etc. I think I got to a point where i felt like i HAD TO make art to keep going, to keep my mind off stuff and it worked until it didnt. I wasn't making stuff because i WANTED to.
TLDR
It's okay to take a break from art, its ok to not let art become a crutch, or a fix, no youre not gonna become a worst-er artist, your artistic abilities are not draining like the life bar on a video game. It's okay to take a break from online hysteria and online art, and whatever and just settle yourself out. I think I'm not QUITE ready to resume making art, but i will soon and i feel itll be on my terms when i do and that's okay.
I have zero projects planned, i have zero things i am working on, i fully regret canceling on stuff and letting people down, or suddenly disappearing, but i just needed (and still need) to sort it out.
I'm still in touch the art community, i still enjoy seeing peoples stuff, or reviewing entries i see on my feed on newgrounds. BUT for the moment anyways, i aint making shit. :)
