Ominous title compared to my other posts, and honestly it didn't occur to me to write about it, but my friend (not newgrounds related) told me that I should, that if anything someone out there might find some comfort and resolution in knowing that everyone struggles then it's a win. To be clear i wasn't embarrassed, i am just a private person and i try to filter my online personality with my offline one. Still haven't totally fine-tuned it, maybe i never will, BUT i do agree that her advice is sound in that sharing is caring and especially in these weird times. SO on with the show.

Creative burnout

it happens to everyone, hell it's happened to me plenty of times before; but i'll admit, never this hard and never this bad. I think the important thing is, and trust me it doesn't just come to you overnight; it's to realize that's what happened and more importantly, that it's OKAY. Rome wasn't built in a day, and some days it faced famine, or tragedy, or war or whatever. That's just how it is.

So i think what happened to me was, I was using art as an excuse to not confront or let myself be sad. I think June - Julyish and some of August was particularly tough. I mean, I live in america and we are begging people to get vaccinated and not take homemade horse medicine or whatever, and i mean BEGGING, and elsewhere in the world, like where I am from (Bolivia) there's still parts that don't have access to stuff. Full disclosure, i had family die once every week for like two months; not because they were going to a house party, or Kid Rock concert or whatever, but just because access is limited. To date, i think Bolivia still has access to mostly the Chinese and Russian vaccine or whatever, and all the people with money and government officials are hoarding the more effective american ones that get sent over(might have changed somewhat now, i've not been keeping up.). Anyways the point isn't to make you get vaccinated, the point is to go back and review and see what contributed to my burn out. So with like family overseas dying every week, and trust me, there was like weeks in July and August i just blocked all my calls, family, friends, nothing, because it was just so draining, and so like i wrapped myself up in making art, and making art, being part of art, taking commissions, and making art again.

I think you can make art until your arm falls off, and its a good fix for a bit, but eventually even that buzz goes, and that's kind of what happened a few weeks ago. I made really negative posts, and made people worried, and just not really in a good space.

So i pulled the plug on art, and surprisingly, i feel better. I quit twitter (i'm kinda back sorta), I deleted social apps on my phone, etc etc. I think I got to a point where i felt like i HAD TO make art to keep going, to keep my mind off stuff and it worked until it didnt. I wasn't making stuff because i WANTED to.

TLDR

It's okay to take a break from art, its ok to not let art become a crutch, or a fix, no youre not gonna become a worst-er artist, your artistic abilities are not draining like the life bar on a video game. It's okay to take a break from online hysteria and online art, and whatever and just settle yourself out. I think I'm not QUITE ready to resume making art, but i will soon and i feel itll be on my terms when i do and that's okay.

I have zero projects planned, i have zero things i am working on, i fully regret canceling on stuff and letting people down, or suddenly disappearing, but i just needed (and still need) to sort it out.

I'm still in touch the art community, i still enjoy seeing peoples stuff, or reviewing entries i see on my feed on newgrounds. BUT for the moment anyways, i aint making shit. :)

I don't know what to title my posts anymore, its not even close to midsummer.

Anyways, here's a few updates for you!

Newgrounds Summer Festival 2021 June 25 - 27

Kind of a fun virtual hang-out thingie to get you through the summer. It's organized by @stanpai I'll be popping in here and there, I can't guarantee my level of sobriety but I should be around for the community panel on Friday (9pm est).

The Bike Slide Collab

I've teamed up with @snackers to throw together a short lil collab to explore the famous Akira bike slide. It's been referenced countless times in cartoons and other famous things so it seems like a fun easy going project to take a stab at it here on Newgrounds. There's a lively discord for it also, it's rare i share stuff I'm working on while I'm fixing it up, so I'm trying to get myself to get in the habit of doing that.

I'll probably get back into a game of some sort next month and get more serious about stuff.

Ciao

Hi,

I hadn't made an update in awhile and I've been running kinda hot right now in terms of productivity so I figured I'd update you.

Post mortem Castle Crashing the Beard

This game was so well received! I thought maybe it was lame that we spent so long re-doing a game and that people would be like meh. But it captures the nostalgia and also adds some fun new elements and art into the game. It's been pretty rewarding to read and see the feedback, i can probably speak for Nick, and Asha for that also.

Pico Day!

I worked on a lil gif for it, decided to take a break from pixel and go back to my roots. I used an unusual frame rate, and I quite like how it turned out. i think when i look back at the darnell breakdancing gif i did in early 2020, i can start to appreciate the evolution of my understanding of momentum and when to use alot of frames and when to not. It's still a work in progress but its fun to kick around.

Other stuff

I started doing some freelance stuff in addition to my job. Mostly web design stuff, I'm still working on a few but its kind of a fun break from animation, and also my real work stuff. I briefly thought of getting a part time job as a bartender, on top of my freelance and my full time job but i think i'd completely burn out if I did that.

Community stuff

Kudos to ninjamuffin for making it to the top guy on the website! I know his game completely blew up both figuratively and literally on this website, and it feels good when something like that happens to someone so interested in the community and concept of this website. I still snap him stupid shit and vice versa, so i'd like to think no matter what happens he's still annoying ass Cam to me.

That's it, I'm working on a new gif thingie, I started it just 30 mins ago actually. Probably won't be done for a few weeks. Probably going back to pixels. We'll see.

It's a rare thing when something goes out ahead of schedule, but that's what happened yesterday!

We were supposed to release on friday but now i look like an idiot because we released the game early. I've been so swamped with work and a ton of other stuff that I haven't quite processed everything going on in the last 15 hours or whatever but it's such a weird thing that no matter how many years or success you've had in the past, it's still so nerve-wrecking uploading a game or animation to this website. It's a good nervous though.

I'll make a proper write-up at some point, but as with any project that's taken multiple years and a few I quits, it's finally freakin dunnnn.

I have a long list of thank you's to all sorts of people that helped get the game and myself to this point, I have an immense support system both here on newgrounds, instagram, and the boot rot boys on discord. I feel fortunate and oh holy shit i just realized there's a new site background skin and the pink links are gone. FINALLY!!

Took about 3 years to totally redo this game but its finally coming out soon! pls play it. its free!

Hola,

I was partly inspired by some of my art friends to make a general overview of current and look ahead type of thing.

I think it's been kind of interesting to see peoples year round-ups for 2020 because while we were all bound by the C-word, it was a year of unique creativity. I kind of compare it to music movements like punk and rock where there is a particular amount of creativity reacting to really large social and human issues in the world.

i think like most of my colleagues, i find that 2020 was a bit of a homecoming in coming back to art and the art community. To some extent, what choice did i have? Once March rolled around, i had the rug pulled under me(as did everyone else really), where my lifestyle of flying around and being a socialite at bars was kind of over. I think in hindsight, and looking ahead, i will fine-tune that part of my lifestyle to not be so dependent on that. Looking back at my portfolio of work, i find it kind of cool to see that the themes and pieces i've made kind of reflect what was going on around me, more so than more whimsical pieces i made in 2019. I think Tom and the guys at the newgrounds HQ played a key role in keeping people motivating and shifting the gloom to an opportunity to make cool things. Read @psychogoldfish write up for the full scope of what that means.

Through lockdown, i was able to meet newer generation of artists, the @snackers @ninjamuffin99 and @wandaboy of the newgrounds scene. I was welcomed with open arms to all sorts of discord servers and got introduced to and work with new people. I'd eventually get drunk and storm out of said discords but i eventually wander back.

I think throughout my career at newgrounds for years i felt a personal responsibility to be someone that had to come up with stuff and be the ring leader of large projects and it was kind of nice to switch roles last year and be a participant in other peoples visions.

This was a good thing, i hadnt returned to the animation portal in years and i forgot what a different beast it is from the game portal. Where you are making stuff designed to be interacted with and as a result, can go back and fine tune and add stuff in. In the animation portal, you got one shot boo boo, so it definitely felt more 'scary' for me, and it brought me back to the old days of submitting here where there is that uncertainty of someone totally hating something you spent a long time on.

While nobody knows what this next year will bring, i do think that even having the 'calendar' change brings with it a new sense of optimism and with all thats going on, its kind of hard to come by at times.

Working on a new thingie, hopefully releasing later this month.

CIAO.

Hola,

Not a whole lot going on, America has been very bad at Corona, so the world hates us so i cant travel anymore! It's fine though, I've been making a ton of progress on my game and I'm still looking to be done by Autumn and back on the road in 2021.

If you feel nosy, or just want to know what we've been up to, wander over to Nick's discord channel thingie.

Other stuff I've been working on, i haven't gotten back to it but I've been designing a site background for this website. Been kind of sidetracked but it's on my queue. On the non-digital side, I'm moving later this autumn. Probably still in philadelphia, but in midtown village or something around there. Looking to shorten my commute to work and also be able to wander back from bars easier. Maybe i'll invite u to a housewarming party, if u wear ur damn mask.

Speaking of quarantine, https://potatoman.newgrounds.com/ suprised Krinkels and i with some little figurines he designed. I'm still kind of blown away looking at it on my desk. He just needs a little server to spill his beer on.

I have some more newgrounds stuff i want to give back to the wild, but i'll wait for a good spot to do so.

Ciao.

UPDATE: Congrats to @damnedbyfate you came up on the random username generator thingie. You r win.

Thanks to everyone for sharing their anecdotes. I read all of them and it was quite uplifting and motivating to read and more important than ever to preserve this community. I'll give away more stuff soon.

Apparently NG is a quarter century old now! Time to give away some NG stuff from my vault.

Here's how to win:

You have to be a NG supporter to win this one.

This aint for bustahs who don't support keep the lights on.

1. Comment with a memory of your interaction with this site (try and be positive).
2. That's it.

One rando comment below will win this newgrounds flag, it's been around the world at newgrounds meet ups and stuff. There are a few of them floating around but this one is my personal one. Also, in this care package is a yellow / orange castle crasher and some stickers. I'll pick someone out later this month and do another post about it.

See ya

here it is in Australia

I found this in my closet, into the package it goes:

Tried a little experiment yesterday and it was actually alot of fun (kind of stressful tbh) but it kind of re-ignited the thrill of making stuff just to make stuff, quick iteration, and spur of the moment ideas. You feel ALIVE.

It started with just tweeting, hey i wanna collab, must be done QUICK. Then @snackers sent me a msg asking whats on my mind.

I wasn't sure really, so i was like ummm... what if we split the canvas in half and you draw on one side and i draw on the other and then i'll smush them together after a few hours.

Here's a summary of the conversation:

Me: so im thinking, you pick a side, right or left. and its an eating contest.

Snackers: so I just animate myself eating?

Me: you / your character, whatever really. what would be fun to eat

Snackers: hmm what am I in the mood for

some spaghetti and meatballs

Me: ok spaghetti with one giant meatball on top.

Snackers: ah yess

And that was it, after a few hours, we joined the files, I added the fluff at the beginning (ready set go), and a simple bg and titles and we were done.

It's alot of fun to see the final product. It aint going to win no Grammy but it shows two approaches to a problem, two different styles, solutions, and just raw energy.

I want to continue to explore this concept more, it kind of reminded me of the old Time Trial days.

If you'd like to be part of it, keep your eyes peeled on twitter, they by nature are kind of spontaneous.

Feel free to drop me note if you have suggestions or you want to learn more

Hoi,

Hope you are surviving in some way. Pretty wild times out here in Philadelphia!

Anyways be sure to give the Elon Musk Jam a shot, on top of a big prize pool, i wanted to donate some swag that i found in my old office for whomever comes in last place (12th). 12 is my favorite number so it works out.

If you are working w/a team you'll have to figure out how to split up a shirt and pink knight, i dont know that's ur problem.

Also you can't win the blanket in the back, i need that to sleep. Everything else is yours.

Stay safe x0x0